THE ALL NEW MOSTLY TRUE ADVENTURES OF BABY BOY FLETCHER
Time passed. Slowly. Interminably. Lives were focused on the NICU, coming and going at all hours to be with Baby Boy Fletcher. Waiting. The medical staff was cautious. The parents were worried and tired. The world was waiting. And yet another day went by. Slowly. Interminably.
Suffice it to say, the BBF was getting restless. He had learned in a very short time that boredom quickly encroached when one is contained in a plastic bin, hooked up to machines and lights, being constantly prodded and observed, yet not allowed to observe or prod back. It had been eight long nights, a duration beyond expectation or bearing. Oh my. What to do!
It was time to make a run for it. He needed a plan. Fortunately, he had had more than sufficient time lying in his plastic cage to formulate many plans, evaluate the relative merit and likelihood of success of each. He also, since time was not in short supply, did a risk assessment and s cost-benefit analysis, just because he could. Finally he settled on the one plan he felt was most likely to succeed. He made himself “well enough” to be discharged from the hospital. Simple, elegant, brilliant! He ate, pooped, breathed, passed all of his blood tests with top grades, and ate and pooped some more to reinforce the obvious conclusion that he was ready to go home.
At last, the medical authorities agreed. They said he could go home! The parents were jubilant. Tired, but jubilant. But of course, the medical bureaucracy had to first be tackled and it gave a gallant fight before it allowed Kate and Ed to walk out the front doors of the University of Maryland Medical Center with the Baby Boy Fletcher. It was ten o’clock on a hot humid September night in Baltimore when the BBF took his first breath of fresh air. Well, it was Baltimore, where “fresh” air was in short supply. It was actually drippingly damp and dank in texture; saturated with unhealthy levels of ozone and particulate matter; reeking of the exhaust of too many cars, buses, SUVs; and redolent of the rancid odor from decaying Burger King and McDonalds less-than-happy meals scattered about the sidewalks and curbs. But, it was not hospital air. Ode to joy!
Aided and abetted by the Goddess of the Universe and her consort, Ed surreptitiously went to retrieve his car. He was careful to not attract attention as the paparazzi were ever ready to pounce on BIG NEWS and the emergence of the BBF into the Baltimore commons was Big News. Meanwhile, Kate, the Goddess, and her consort took up position in the midst of the ongoing mass of humanity entering and exiting the hospital – a perfect spot to be anonymous. The consort kept lookout and he seamlessly conveyed Kate and the BBF to the car once spotted. And they were off! Mission Accomplished!
