On February 6, a columnist for the NY Times posted the following topic in her column:
Maira Kalman: The Principles of Uncertainty
"The Impossibility of February," the latest illustrated column from the artist and illustrator.
All I have to say is that I was there First!
Sleeping
Nepenthe - Nepenthe is a drug of forgetfulness mentioned in Greek mythology, depicted as originating in Egypt. Where can I find some? Then maybe I can forget that I don't sleep much. Even that would be an improvement for me!
According to the NIH:
Insomnia is too little or poor-quality sleep caused by one or more of the following:
Trouble falling asleep
Waking up a lot during the night with trouble returning to sleep
Waking up too early in the morning
Having un-refreshing sleep (not feeling well rested), even after sleeping 7 to 8 hours at night
Me, I just cannot fall asleep! Last night I was awake until 4:30 am; not uncommon for me. And this has been going on since Spring 2004.........
The NIH also notes that "Insomnia can cause problems during the day, such as excessive sleepiness, fatigue, trouble thinking clearly or staying focused, or feeling depressed or irritable. It is not defined by the number of hours you sleep every night. Although the amount of sleep a person needs varies, most people need between 7 and 8 hours of sleep a night. "
Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep to all of the above. And I think it may just also create some intermitent blips where the "real" world disappears and some sort of alternate reality replaces it. I found that in chronic cases- that would be me -when suffering from severe insomnia and sleepless nights continue for long time, people can even experience hallucinations.
Maybe I am hallucinating all of this - my insomnia has turned into a 24/7 hallucination and note of what I do is real! SO WHERE AM I?
Krista would have been 23
It has been 6 years since Krista died. 6 years ago today. She was 17 years old and her life had run out of possibilities. And as the years go by I find that I miss her more and more. It was such an incredible experience and adventure to know her and she is still teaching me (when she isn't shopping out there somewhere). Why is it that everytime I go to Target to the pajamas section, I can actually feel her next to me. I either giggle or cry. She loved flamboyant PJs. Of course, that was about all she could wear since she was diagnosed with cancer.
She was only 14 at the time. I will never comprehend what that indictment meant to her - a 14 year old. I only know that for me, it was terrifying, chaotic, overwhelming, and just not acceptable at all. It stayed that way for me throughout the course of her treatments.
That July (1998), when she went to Minneapolis for the start of treatment, I never expected that it would become her final home. And except for one small reprieve that first fall, it became her permanent home. She would alternate between the Fairview University Childrens' Hospital and the Ronald McDonald House (thank god for the kindness of strangers) - and of course, the Mall of the Americas !!!
I have never laughed so much nor felt so close to others as I did during Krista's treatment. I thought that we would get kicked out of the hospital so many times because we refused to be vanquished by cancer, and instead just did silly, ridiculous, and fun things - loudly!
I could go on and on but this is a blog, not a book. Krista, I miss you more than you can imagine. I am selfish and I want you back with us. I want your life to be full of joy, freedom, adventure. Instead you only had 17 years, the final 3 of them just too painful to contemplate.
Do you believe in Magic?
The Month of February
It may be the shortest month of the year, but that is a good thing, because it feels like it goes on and on and on...It is such a cruel month with a personality that can only be described as "avoid at all costs." It has a preponderance of sneak attacks and never ending grayness. Even the birds hide from February, forsaking the feeders in my yard! The novelty of winter has worn off, the holidays are a thing of the past, it is nowhere near spring yet, and so you have it - February!
I think February should actually be seen as an important aspect of existentialism. What does it mean to be human in February? What is the internal meaning of February? Existentialism is often associated with fear, anxiety, dread, and thoughts of doom and personal death. Sounds like February to me!
February (and January) were the last 2 months to be added to the Roman calendar. Why bother! Among other things, its name has been referred to as "mud month" or cabbage, neither of which are very appealing - just like February!
So why bother!
My Book Awards
Well, it is that time of year when the major book awards are announced. As an inveterate reader I am always interested in seeing what the "experts" choose as the best writing each year. I think I am a bit of an expert myself as I consider reading an avocation of almost full time status. So here are my picks (not in any specific order) for the
BEST of 2006:
- Richard Powers. The Echo Maker
- Jennifer Egan. The Keep
- Chris Adrian. The Childrens Hospital
- Arnulder Indridason. Voices
- Jane Hamilton. When Madeline Was Young
- Ake Edwardson. Never End
- Amy Sedaris. I like You
- T.C. Boyle. Talk Talk
- Augusten Burroughs. Possible Side Effects
- James Lee Burke. Pegasus Descending
- Allegra Goodman. Intuition
- Asa Larsson. Sun Storm
- Susan Richards Shreve. A Student of Living Things
- Kazuo Ishiguro. Never Let Me Go
- Elizabeth George. What Came Before He Shot Her
- Jonathon Kozol. The Shame of a Nation
- Edward P. Jones. All Aunt Hagar's Children
Well, this is the Short List. There are some splendid writers here, with stories that evoke lost memories and feelings, change the slant of the world, create permanent bonds with the characters and their lives, and are just plain old "stay up all night and read" books. Thank heavens for books!
Happy Reading!
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