Wedding Anniversaries

On January 18, 1969 I was married to my first husband. 38 years ago - a lifetime. I was 20 years old and pregnant. I was terrified, uncertain, guilty, beleagered and just plain too young and stupid. But I was madly in love with my husband and he was the man I would grow old with. I knew that without a doubt.

We had 2 daughters and managed to stay together for 19 years. But our relationship had been disintegrating and I finally had the courage to contemplate a life on my own, without 2 incomes, without a "man." It was pretty scarey. I not only lost my youthful hopes and dreams about love, I lost (temporarily for the most part) a wonderful and loving family of "in-laws"); I lost any sort of anchor for my life for a while; I lost all respect for myself; and I lost my daughters unconditional love. I am still not sure if I ever did gain any of that unconditional part back again, even now, almost 20 years later.

I still wonder today if I made the right decision about my marriage. I guess there was really no "right" or absolute in dissolving a marriage. It was a time of insanity in my life and when I contemplate it now, all I know is that I never ever want to go through that again.