On January 18, 1969 I was married to my first husband. 38 years ago - a lifetime. I was 20 years old and pregnant. I was terrified, uncertain, guilty, beleagered and just plain too young and stupid. But I was madly in love with my husband and he was the man I would grow old with. I knew that without a doubt.
We had 2 daughters and managed to stay together for 19 years. But our relationship had been disintegrating and I finally had the courage to contemplate a life on my own, without 2 incomes, without a "man." It was pretty scarey. I not only lost my youthful hopes and dreams about love, I lost (temporarily for the most part) a wonderful and loving family of "in-laws"); I lost any sort of anchor for my life for a while; I lost all respect for myself; and I lost my daughters unconditional love. I am still not sure if I ever did gain any of that unconditional part back again, even now, almost 20 years later.
I still wonder today if I made the right decision about my marriage. I guess there was really no "right" or absolute in dissolving a marriage. It was a time of insanity in my life and when I contemplate it now, all I know is that I never ever want to go through that again.
Aches and Pains
One of the untold secrets of getting older is the subtle creep of minor physical "decrepitudes". Each on its own is not usually a big deal but when they start piling up it can make getting out of bed in the morning hazardous!
Skin tags - those nasty annoying cloying little stubs that begin to litter the landscape of my skin.
Cataracts - making it more and more difficult to see especially at night.
Reading glasses because my eyes, which already cannot see anything 5 feet or more away from me, now also make reading a book or a computer screen arduous if not impossible.
High blood pressure - and I even cut all salt from my diet...
Assorted and sundry aches, generally associated with gardening or major housecleaning. These generally manifest themselves when I blithely jump out of bed (the morning after a day of hard physical activity)and collapse right away. Ouch!
Brain cramps - the word was just there a nanosecond ago, really!
Brittle fingernails- yes, this is a problem when my nails are constantly jagged, cracked and break if I just look at them!
Insomnia, giving me unwanted blocks of late night time with nothing to do and too tired to do anything anyway.
I won't even start on my knees.....
I never appreciated all of my physical blessings while I had them. I watch my granddaughters in amazement as they careen about non-stop, fall, stumble, and quickly recover. They can get up without it being a major event in their day and fall asleep instantly, really! They run, jump, swing, swim, bike, all day long. It would never occur to them that maybe their Gramma might not be quite so intrepid!
But today I can walk, I can see with glasses, I can write and keyboard, pay my bills, climb stairs, clip shrubs and plant bulbs, enjoy meals, talk and hear people talking to me, so what I do now is appreciate all of these blessings while I have them. And I can still play with my granddaughters, just at a slower pace!
Skin tags - those nasty annoying cloying little stubs that begin to litter the landscape of my skin.
Cataracts - making it more and more difficult to see especially at night.
Reading glasses because my eyes, which already cannot see anything 5 feet or more away from me, now also make reading a book or a computer screen arduous if not impossible.
High blood pressure - and I even cut all salt from my diet...
Assorted and sundry aches, generally associated with gardening or major housecleaning. These generally manifest themselves when I blithely jump out of bed (the morning after a day of hard physical activity)and collapse right away. Ouch!
Brain cramps - the word was just there a nanosecond ago, really!
Brittle fingernails- yes, this is a problem when my nails are constantly jagged, cracked and break if I just look at them!
Insomnia, giving me unwanted blocks of late night time with nothing to do and too tired to do anything anyway.
I won't even start on my knees.....
I never appreciated all of my physical blessings while I had them. I watch my granddaughters in amazement as they careen about non-stop, fall, stumble, and quickly recover. They can get up without it being a major event in their day and fall asleep instantly, really! They run, jump, swing, swim, bike, all day long. It would never occur to them that maybe their Gramma might not be quite so intrepid!
But today I can walk, I can see with glasses, I can write and keyboard, pay my bills, climb stairs, clip shrubs and plant bulbs, enjoy meals, talk and hear people talking to me, so what I do now is appreciate all of these blessings while I have them. And I can still play with my granddaughters, just at a slower pace!
Where did winter go
I don't know about other parts of the country but here in Maryland it has been a very benign winter so far (not that it every really gets cold or blizzardly anyway)and I am missing SNOW!
I grew up in Chicago - the very windy city, and spent 22 years in upstate NY so snow and cold are part of my biorhythms. And I am really missing winter. I was reading on the weather channel that there was a big snowfall in Syracuse this week and I wished I could just transport myself there (because the airport is probably closed).
I loved walking late at night in the neighborhood ans snow softly drifts down, a steady pace, and utter quiet. I love to see it reflected in the street lights, illuminated, rushing past the air to the ground. I love the fire and ice, the storm and fury of blizzards - the wind howling and eerie banshee and the snow coming so fast and thick it forms a white screen that hides the rest of the world. Call me crazy, but I miss winter.
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